


Bravissimo!

by errantcomment



Category: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012), Thor (2011)
Genre: Darcy is cooler than you, Fluff, Gen, SO MUCH FLUFF, Tony and Darcy are friends, Tony is kind of an ass, bras, friendship fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-20
Updated: 2012-09-20
Packaged: 2017-11-14 15:42:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/516936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/errantcomment/pseuds/errantcomment
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For <a href="http://norsekink.livejournal.com/11219.html?thread=24117971#t24117971">this prompt</a> on the Norsekink meme.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bravissimo!

**Author's Note:**

> This hasn't been American-picked. Apologies for geographical gaffes, I used Google Maps!

"Oh goddamnit." Darcy straightened up, looking irritated, and plucked at her scoop-neck shirt.

"Huh?" Tony didn't look up.

"My bra... One moment. I'll be right back." And Darcy was gone.

Tony blinked.

"Huh?"

After a moment, Darcy came back through the door, tucking something into her bag.

"There, better."

"Uh. What just happened?" Tony straightened up.

"The underwire on my bra snapped." Darcy shrugged. "It happens. Now, where did you put that reciept? I keep telling you, you don't get the money back unless you keep the reciept..." She leant over the desk. Tony clapped a hand over his eyes.

"Woa there. Woa. Are you gonna be walking around like that all day?"

"What are you talking about?" Darcy cocked her head.

"You know... Unleashed."

"Unleashed?" Darcy gave him the 'I don't believe you' look that she only ever seemed to give him. "Yes, I am actually. I have meetings all day today. It's not ideal but when _someone_ who shall remain nameless Tony Stark also known as Iron Man also known as a huge pain in my dazzling rear end insists on not filing any paperwork for two months, that's what happens."

"Couldn't you go home and put on another one?"

"I live in Brooklyn, and I have a lunch meeting." Darcy was starting to give him slitty eyes. Tony knew a warning signal when he saw one.

"Okay but you can't walk around like that."

"What do you mean?" Uh-oh. She was folding her arms. Tony hated it when she folded her arms.

"Well, if you keep walking around like that Pepper and you are gonna get pissed at me and then you'll kill me with nipple. I mean Natasha. Especially once she knows I said nipple. Twice. And then I'll be all corpsified and gross and you'll be sad because I'm dead and I'll be sad because I'm not hot any more."

Darcy's eyes had unslitted but that was because her eyebrows were in serious danger of disappearing into her hair. Tony wasn't sure this was an improvement.

"Can't you just go to Target or something and buy a new one? Seriously, this is so wrong."

Darcy rolled her eyes. Tony braced himself. "No, I can't. Look at me. Do you think my girls could actually fit into those egg-cups Target seem to think women wear? The last time I managed to find nice underwear was three years ago. Three. Years. Everyone seems to think that only old _bubbes_ have big tits. They all look like they were constructed in a dry dock, not to mention the fact they're all made of lace so not only do you look like you have pyramid-shaped girls but also that they have some sort of terrible flesh-eating disease. AND they only come in that weird colour that is apparently flesh but no one is that colour. No one. Not even zombies. Sick zombies."

Darcy paused and took a deep breath.

Tony suddenly realised he was hiding behind his screwdriver which was dumb a) because Darcy could clearly see him behind the screw-driver and two) no wait, b) the screw-driver was probably on Darcy's side.

"Uh. So not Target then."

"No. Not Target." Tony recognised that tone of voice. That was the tone of voice that said 'You are now in the Cone of Shame. Pray it does not become larger.' He didn't like that tone of voice.

"Uh. Well, there's gotta be a bra shop round here somewhere. I'm sure the Stark fortune could bear the blow."

Darcy gave him a considering look.

"Are you offering to buy me new underwear? Because that's... Kind of..."

"If I buy you nice bras then you can't file a sexual harassment suit. Because they're _nice_." Tony said firmly. Darcy almost smiled. Tony knew he'd won. Darcy was many things, including very scary, but part of their relationship was that when Tony managed to wind her up, he would generally try and make it up to her. After all, she wanted to know what was behind Fury's eye-patch as well, and she had helped him with the water-balloon prank.

"Fine. Gimme your card." Darcy held out a hand.

"What? No way. Pepper never let's me do this sort of shopping with her. I have to come. For science. Or something." Tony grinned. "Come on! Girl's shopping."

"Oh my god..." Darcy rolled her eyes. "Fine, but if I am late for my meeting..."

"Yeah yeah, taser-based death..." Tony grabbed his jacket.

"Damn straight." Darcy followed him out.

~*~

One short car-ride later and they were pulling up outside a little boutique that JARVIS (with just a hint of snigger in his usually smooth voice) had recommended. Darcy swung into the shop, and stopped in amazement.

"Oh my god, I am going to give JARVIS a cookie."

"Hey, don't get crumbs in my AI..." Tony stared around. There was so much lace. And patterns. And little thingies. And stuff. And things. Some of it looked like it hurt. It wasn't like he was a stranger to lingerie, but this was... Different. The underwear was stripped of the sexiness that you saw in _Playboy_ by the sheer force of numbers. Tony had never realised context made a difference to underwear. He felt like an explorer in a forbidden temple to femininity or something.

"What are you humming?" Darcy looked at him quizzically.

"Uh... Nothing." Indiana Stark was ready for action and also the lady with a chignon and a don't-I-know-you expression coming towards them.

"Can I help you?" She asked Tony.

"No, I'm all stocked up, but you can help her. She has meetings this afternoon."

Darcy smiled at the lady, and Tony wandered off, his work here done. He looked at the complicated underthings, trying to work out how one put one on without doing oneself a serious injury, till the other lady (who had a braid instead of a chignon) gave him a worried look. Darcy had disappeared.

"Darcy?" He called into the lacy cavern.

"I'm in the changing rooms. Gimme a minute."

Tony sat down on a convenient leather arm-chair. There was a shop dummy stood next to him.

"Aren't you a little cold, honey?" He asked it. It didn't reply. Typical.

"Aren't you done yet?" He called into the inner sanctum.

"No! Chill, will you?" Darcy sounded exasperated.

Tony sighed, feeling less like an intrepid explorer and more like a kid forced to shop for school shoes. There had to be something to do...

~*~

"Oh my god Tony! You're gonna get yourself kicked out!" Darcy, looking much more supported and clutching a handful of lace and satin in one hand, rushed forward.

"Look, I can fit my whole head in this one!" Tony exclaimed, grinning. And indeed, he could. The lady with the braid was giving him a panicky look, because this was Tony Stark, most powerful man in New York and she really wasn't sure she was allowed to bar the most powerful man in New York from the shop for wearing a bra like a hat.

"What the hell are you doing, you monumental asshole?" Darcy snatched it off his head. "Oh my god. What are you, five? Can I not leave you alone for ten minutes?"

"Are you done?" Tony's wasn't laughing at her, honest. The last time he'd laughed at Darcy in this sort of situation she'd been, in Tony's opinion, unreasonably violent. Darcy gave him slitty eyes.

"Just pay for these. Now. And be very glad that I am actually grateful enough not to tell Pepper." Tony tried to look abashed.

In the car, Darcy folded her arms and stared out the window.

"No, you're not allowed to be mad. I bought you underwear. More than one underwear, actually. And I kept the reciept 'cause I'm pretty sure I can claim it under office expenses." Darcy gave him slitty eyes, but her mouth was twitching.

"And, did you see the look on the chignon lady's face? Totally worth it." He was rewarded with a laugh.

"She was really snotty. She totally thought I was your bit of rough or something." Darcy hefted the fancy boutique bag, looking pleased.

"She wasn't very good at her job. She thought I needed a bra." Tony looked injured. "When, you know, I am clearly naturally perky."

"Damn straight." Darcy grinned. Tony grinned back.


End file.
